Frat Parties in Full Swing for Welcome Week, Frat Boys Hitting On Freshman Boys

Welcome Week is the one week of the school year where parties are incredibly easy to get into.  Boys are just as welcome as girls, and actually get more attention from the frat bros.  This is the one week where all the frats are trying to compete to impress potential new members.  While rush week is supposed to be for that, most guys will have their minds made up on where they want to rush by the end of this week.

And so, this week is the week where frat bros turn on the charm for both girls and guys.  It must be weird for these homophobic creeps to basically flirt with both genders.  Oh well, sorority rush is the same way… and possibly worse since it ALL has to be official… and with no alcohol.

Student Robbed at Gunpoint Earlier This Month

Seriously, these are things that need to be publicized by the university.  I get that for the administration to send something out takes effort, and could make them look really bad with the incoming freshman and their parents, but these are things that students do need to know about.  Remember that whole shutting down of North U. last year that no one knew about until after it was over (a bomb scare?!)?  Yeah, administration didn’t let us know.  There are things happening on and around campus that we should know more about.  A note in Crime Notes in a paper hardly anyone reads does nothing. It amazes me that AAPD is all over MIPs and noise violations, but sending out public notices to local residents about things we SHOULD be concerned with really isn’t on the agenda.

In case you were wondering, this is the crime note:

Two armed men broke into a female University student’s apartment on the 1300 block of South State Street at about 12:30 a.m. today, the student reported to the Ann Arbor police.

The woman told police the men kicked in her locked door and brandished handguns. They then tied the woman and her friend, a 24-year-old male, up and took cash and cell phones from them, the Ann Arbor News reported.

No one was injured. Police are investigating the incident.

The assailants are described as between 18- and 22-years-old, wearing dark masks, dark hooded sweatshirts, blue jeans and tennis shoes.

Pizza House Changes Menu

So I went to Pizza House today and I kept seeing rectangular pizzas.  Apparently, there are new Sicilian pizzas, along with a slew of other new items.  The website says that menu changes will be up starting in September.  Pizza House is consistently the students’ favorite restaurant as reported by The Daily.  I wonder if these changes will help.  I personally thought the pizzas they had were good enough (certainly the best to be had in Ann Arbor), but perhaps it still CAN get even better…

MFit is on iTunes

Yes, it’s true.  You can download workouts for your abs, back, legs, etc for FREE.  Just type in “MFit” in the search bar on iTUnes, click “GET”, and you’ve got a workout you can play from your computer or sync to your iPod.  The workouts range from about 13 minutes to 23 minutes.  This could be a great alternative on days where you can’t really get to the gym (or a great way to avoid spending $60 on a one-semester course doing these same exercises).  The instructors do a great job of describing and pacing the exercises so that, even while they are audio-only, it is still possible to do each exercise properly.

How To Lose Your Job in 3 months

I have the pleasure of working with a woman who is literally straight out of a sitcom with how badly she does her job.  She is one big walking DON’T right out of the pages of Cosmo and Glamour.  The things she does are absolutely horrifying, however, is is crucial that you look to her as an example of what not to do if you ever want to make more than 8 bucks an hour.  

For those of you who would like to possess no job or decent professional references, please follow her guide to unemployment:

1. Invite your underaged coworkers to the bar while in meetings which include the Executive Director of your company.

2. Tell those same underaged coworkers how you wore 7-inch heels at the bar LAST weekend and how you woke up in some strangers bed (also, this MUST be said during the important professional meeting).

3. Forget to wear deodorant. Every day.

4.  Tell minors how you conceived your litter of 8978798342 “little angels” (from different daddies).  Explain to them, in detail, how condoms work, since you are the resident expert.  

5.  Have screaming matches on the phone with your mother.  10 extra points if you can mention somewhere in the conversation that your youngest child has fleas.  25 extra points if you say it within earshot of one of your coworkers who happens to also be a social worker.

6.  Clock out early and leave your work for coworkers who have other business to attend to.

7. Tell your supervisor that the people who fill in for you on your lunch break/days you go home early do a better job than you do.  And say you sincerely mean it.

8.  Have a Disease of the Day.  10 points for every time you cough on a coworker.  50 points if you leave an hour after you arrive at work.

9.  Hug everyone.  Especially your supervisors.  They love hugs in the workplace.  LOVE THEM.

10.  Change the way you talk with the ethnicity of each coworker.  The educated Black girls you work with LOVE it when you speak gangsta with them.  

11.  Give out confidential information (and your job deals with LOTS of juicy stuff).  Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

 

Now that you’ve read this vital information, watch as you go from sitting in an office chair to slouching on your couch while reading the classifieds.  And if you’re desperate for cash, it looks like you’ve got the makings of a great Regional Manager for Dunder-Mifflin.